Family

Since becoming a mum, I realise that I need to work on my SELF. My sense of self, who I am and who I would like to be. The person I want my son to know as his mum. At the moment, I am often filled with self loathe, guilt, shame, pity, sadness, anger...yeah a lot of negatives. Frankly, I'm tired of feeling like this. It's worse than the sleep deprivation I'm going through, it's dragging me down, it makes me hate life. And yet I have a beautiful baby boy to be grateful for and the luck to be able to stay at home full time to look after him, so why can't I be happy? I have a partner who loves me and the life I always thought would make me happy and yet I am still not completely happy nor fulfilled. I know that my attitude and mood drags him down too and it makes our home unhappy. I want it to stop so desperately!

To be honest, when I think about it, I never envision myself as happy and I think I don't even place it high up on my bucket list, when in fact I should because without it, everything else means nothing! Instead I think of how to decorate our home, what lovely dishes to cook or how I can improve my career...rather than working on the real key; my self esteem and happiness.

So I've decided to call a halt on ll these other time wasters for now...and to really put in the effort to work on my self for real this time. I'm going to work through the book called "Celebrate Your Self" by Dorothy Corkille Briggs and fingers crossed, I'm going to come out changed on the other end.